The All About Dating Guru is excited that Valentine’s Day is finally here. I believe Valentine’s Day is not a day only for lovers but a day filled with blessings.

Love is a blessing we take for granted daily but Valentine’s Day is the one day we are allowed to soak it all in with greed and a day set-aside to remind us to show our loved ones the love, respect and appreciation they deserve year-round.

Strangely enough, on my way home today, a song I am embarrassed to say I have on my iPod, “Love Struck” by V Factory came on and I began to wonder what does Valentine’s Day truly symbolize. Thoughts started to race through my mind. The lyrics are captivating to me and motivating me to write this post. The song is about the anticipation of falling in love. Isn’t that what Valentine’s Day is about, the anticipation of falling in love or celebrating being in love?

Yes, I know the true story behind Valentine’s Day but I believe that message / story has been lost over time. Sadly it’s become a day about spending money and less about spreading love. Valentine’s Day used to be the day when someone built up the courage to say, “I love you” or ask someone out on a date and for others it was the one day set aside to shower the ones they love with gifts from the heart.

Cupids, Roses, Chocolates, and Sweet-Nothings are material things and have replaced the true symbol of love or affection.

If you haven’t said, “I love you,” to the ones that make a difference in your life, Valentine’s Day is upon us so get ready. Write a letter, send a personal card, make them dinner and call your mother and say “Happy Valentine’s Day!” And I don’t mean text it or email it!

This Valentine’s Day acknowledge all the loved ones you’ve been blessed with. Lastly, if you have a loved one who recently ended a relationship, this is when they need you the most. Spread love this Valentine’s Day!

Happy Valentine’s Day from Flirtatious-T!

Date Smart… Date for Success™

Today the “All About Dating” Guru has been invaded with thoughts of the classic romance novel only to be left with an enormous feeling of emptiness. How can that be possible when romance novels are supposed to bring you sizzling sensations from head to toe?

As I gazed out the window on the number 6 train heading home from visiting my mother, I became fixated on the idea that romance novels are the reason why our modern day fairy tale is a thing of the past. Plus, is Fabio really the vision of the perfect mate? If so, I need to stop going to the library and to head to the gym fast!

Romance novels have become bestsellers because they prey on the hopeless romantic. Story lines complete with the perfect mate, the perfect situation, and the perfect romance leave many of us feeling like we’re stuck in a pool of quicksand. The more we try to escape the romanticism, the harder it is to get away.

Romance novels are popular because they have mastered the craft of creative adjective placement which can make any generic sentence pop off the page. A technique I believe is the blueprint for a successful New York Best-Selling romance novel.

When adjectives are cleverly placed you are easily whisked into a world of make-believe. You are also suddenly captivated and convinced that your current love life is not what it’s cracked up to be. Luckily you’re friends with the “All About Dating Guru” who is well versed in making life feel like you’re living the life of Scarlet O’Hara.

“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn” are classic romance novel lines that give us false hope. It’s the illusion of finding Prince Charming riding in on a white horse and carriage that we are fascinated by and not that fact that the modern day Prince Charming is riding in on a broken-down Volkswagen buggy.

Wow, another “aha” moment!

I get it now. All those turned up faces on the train are not because they are unhappy. It’s the direct result from romance novels, the overzealous fantasies we buy into.

The next time you find yourself reading a romance novel, stop and look around and see how sweet your life will be when you start creating your own romance novel.

Date Smart… Date for Success™

Through reading, I believe we gain a sense of self and acquire a better understanding on how to communicate, resolve conflict, and give and receive love. Personal development in a relationship can add value and can be seen as the foundation for Dating Smart…Dating for Success.

Over the years friends have asked me what books have given me the inspiration to Date Smart…Date for Success. One book is “If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path” by Charlotte Kasl. I credit this book with providing me the insight on how to make a relationship successful. This book gives you a spiritual outlook on dating by helping you create love in your life. “You will find that remaining on the spiritual path as you seek a lover or partner involves a journey that affects all of your life – not just the dating, love, romance, and marriage part.”

If you’re looking to Date Smart…Date for Success, this book is for you.

Happy reading!

If so, the All About Dating Guru has experienced another “aha” moment while watching “Ugly Betty.”

It’s an episode that inspired me to write this post. The storyline was compelling and gripping enough about goodbyes that I felt it was a perfect opportunity to write about the true meaning of goodbyes.

This episode was so relevant since we just ended a year and are beginning a new one. Typically with the ending of a year or a season we are sometimes faced with the fact that a relationship may be ending. As I watched this episode I began to consider the notion of goodbyes being not only a unique and individual experience but also an experience that leads us in a new direction either toward a new relationship or simply a new beginning…alone.

As we embark upon 2010, we all have been provided with blank pages to our book of life and it’s up to us to fill them with words and experiences good enough to be considered a New York Times Best-Seller!

I also started to realize that the ending of a relationship could also be compared to the ending of an episode of a sitcom because with every ending you are left longing for more and ultimately excited about the outcome. It’s just enough to have you wanting more. It almost sounds like life. Life is very similar to a sitcom or a suspense novel; both are complete with twists and turns without any clue of how the storyline will end. Ironically enough, life is similar since we are forced to patiently wait to see how our own stories unfold.

The dialog in this episode also has me convinced that dating and life is more about the new beginnings and less about how a chapter ends. It’s the collection of the episodes or pages that make the story and not what’s in the middle.

I truly believe with every ending we become better and stronger people. It’s an indication that you are responsible for creating your path toward greater things. It’s not how your chapters end; it’s what you do with the next ones!

Best said by “America Ferrera’s character, Betty, “ We owe it to ourselves to move forward because chances are the endings are never going to stop! No matter how many times you are faced with saying ‘Goodbye,’ even for the greater good for oneself, saying goodbye still hurts!”

As 2010 unfolds always remember you owe it to yourself to believe in a better tomorrow and to recognize when saying “Goodbye” sometimes is a good thing! Dating is a challenging element in our lives and although saying “Goodbye” is one of the hardest things in life, I can guarantee that goodbye is a healing process.

Tonight I have gained an appreciation for saying, “Goodbye!” My “aha” moment, “Saying goodbye stinks but it also means I have been granted a new beginning.” That’s the best part!

Date Smart… Date for Success!

In honor of Valentine’s Day 2010, Blac Gurlz Ink has created limited-edition designs to commemorate your sentiments on this special day by honoring romance and all things flirtatious. These handcrafted couture cards are artistic and the perfect token of affection. Small tokens of affection on Valentine’s Day can go a long way.

To make this offer even sweeter, Blac Gurlz Ink and Flirtatious-T will be donating 20% of the proceeds to the New York Gay Men’s Health Crisis Center and to also show support to team “Flirtatious-T – Flirt with a Cause” who will be participating in the 2010 New York AIDS Walk being held on May 16, 2010! It’s flirting for a cause.

As you can see when you purchase a couture Valentine’s Day card from Black Gulz Ink it’s more than just a greeting card it’s a lifestyle.

BlackGurlzink.com
Flirtatious-T.com

Smart… Date for Success!

During a recent interview, the interviewer was surprised that our product, Flirtatious-T and our blog “All About Dating” were not geared towards one specific population, i.e. the gay community. The reason they’re not geared to one specific population is because I, as the creator, believe dating is universal.

We all experience and encounter similar situations whether it be a partner saying, “I need space;” needing to talk about sex and how it fits into the relationship; a partner feeling like the other is moving too fast; you or your partner deciding it’s over; or deciding when to take a relationship to the next level. These are common situations and experiences that cross boundaries. It doesn’t matter if you’re gay or straight, black or white. When it comes to dating, many experiences are universal.

In previous posts I have discussed defining your dating identity. Having a dating identity allows you to assess if someone’s relationship goals are similar to yours. In addition, the true importance of having a dating identity is that it also allows you to appreciate the fact that relationships may look different but ultimately they’re the same.

Recent headlines like “’Tiger Woods Cheats,” “New York State Votes Against Gay Marriage,” “Ellen & Portia Get Married,” all involve issues of relationships. Oftentimes these headlines appear to be negative, but they all have one common connection; they make us all think about love, trust, and honesty, the common elements of dating and relationship building.

When it comes down to it, we’re all looking for the same thing, to be loved, respected and appreciated.

Date Smart…Date for Success

For those of you in relationships, the answer is an easy one. For my single readers, the answer may not be so easy.

Ringing in the New Year often means bringing new outlooks, new resolutions, new ways of thinking and relating. Since there is already enough stress built around New Year’s resolutions, don’t make kissing someone on New Year’s Eve too complicated. Focus on what’s important, friends and family.

I make it easy. I give everyone I’m with a big hug and peck on the cheek. If that doesn’t satisfy your craving, go ahead and pick the cutest stranger and plant a juicy one on them.

Wishing you all the best in the New Year!

Date Smart… Date for Success.

The All About Dating Guru can relate. There is the hustle, the bustle, gift giving, spending time with family, holiday parties, and traveling. It’s this long list of things that takes a toll on us, causing us to forget the purpose of the holidays. The holidays are supposed to be a happy and joyous time with lots of love and laughter, with little to no stress.

Dating during the holiday season is usually the crash and burn of most relationships. I have seen many relationships during this season go up in flames. I believe if we embrace the spirit of love and giving, it makes the holiday season a much more joyous one.

Surprisingly adults no longer appreciate the holiday season like they once did because they have forgotten how to be child-like and have fun. Christmas is not just for kids; it’s a time when we all can be kids.

Child-like feelings are hard to come by but I recently uncovered a very fun way to make you and your partner feel young. It’s a great way to start off the season in a jolly way. I’m sure you’ll have a good “ho-ho-ho” and “ha-ha-ha.”

It’s called “Elf Yourself!” It’s free, however, to download a keepsake video version you’ll be charged an inexpensive $4.95. After a few clicks you’re off dancing to some holiday music as one of Santa’s elves.

Flirtatious-T would like to wish each of you a happy holiday!

Please enjoy our “Elf Yourself” video on YouTube. Click Here

Date Smart… Date for Success™

If these are your dilemmas, the All About Dating Guru has come to the rescue. Here are a few of my favorite things that make for the perfect “simple” gift.

One of the classic soul voices is back with her latest CD entitled “Unexpected.” Angie Stone’s new CD is a great holiday gift idea for that special someone in your life. Plus the title is befitting a new relationship. The music is soulful, rich, and full of songs that will touch someone’s heart. Just one play of a song from “Unexpected” will remind them of you. — http://www.angiestoneonline.net/

Art Heart creations are handcrafted pieces of art in the shape of a heart. These hearts can be customized to match the person receiving it. “Themes are inspired by pop culture, geography, travel, music and current events, or whatever might come from the imagination.” Pieces of the Heart Art studio have found their way into collections around the world and have recently appeared in Vanity Fair, Good Houskeeping, Strada and Firma. I have personally given these hearts year after year which allowed me to express my love to friends, family, and others who have touched my heart. — http://www.heartartcreations.com/

This gift, which has an intoxicating aroma, may seem impersonal but it’s not. The presentation of these candles is classy yet simple. Giving a scented candle will bring warm thoughts and remembrances of you when your special someone lights it. One of my personal favorites, the Votivo – Mahogany Scented Candle has a “brew of European mulled spices and heart-warming brown sugar artfully blended together over glowing seasoned logs to provide a bit of courage as you go inside the intermost depths of your soul.” In this case a candle makes for a sensual gift that will lift spirits. — http://www.votivo.com/

Shamelessly, we have to plug our own product, Flirtatious-T®. T-shirts designed to do the flirting for you. It’s the perfect gift for that special someone you want to flirt with over the holiday season. Our classic “Angelic – Devilish” and “Call Me” t-shirts are sure to grab attention. Our t-shirts are the perfect grab-bag gift and will definitely spark a conversation. Flirt with a t-shirt from Flirtatious-T.
http://www.flirtatious-t.com

Date Smart…Date for Success

Happy Holidays from Flirtatious-T – All About Dating

A large population of men and woman have the belief that when asked out on a date the person asking in some way becomes obligated to pay for dinner, how unsettling.

Where did this right of passage come from?

I believe if someone feels they have a right to something so early on in a relationship, it’s a big warning sign. It’s an unhealthy way to start off a relationship.

Relationships seldom last for this very reason, lack of teamwork. Like the saying goes, “there is no “I” in ‘team.’” However, if you look closely there are two “I’s” in “relationship,” which means it takes two to tango.

Just this past Thanksgiving I discovered that three generations of women in my family all rationalize that a man is supposed to pay for dinner. What rulebook is this from?

Looking at it from a gay man’s point of view, it’s confusing. Why is it okay for a women to expect the man to pay for dinner but it’s not okay for a man to expect a little nookie-nookie after paying for dinner.

Having such expectations can be the demise of a relationship. Sometimes these expectations lead you to believe that when someone does not say or do what you expect them to do, you assume they are unworthy of your time, affection, and sometimes your love. Sounds kind of shallow.

As the All About Dating Guru it disturbs me to know that this righteous attitude still exists and plays a big part in the initial stages of a relationship. Instead of spending countless hours placing unrealistic expectations on someone you barely know, why not just be excited about going on a date?

I agree, it is a nice gesture when someone offers to pay for dinner; consider it a gift. But the real treat is having someone show interest in you, not whether your partner is paying for dinner. If the question of who is paying is more important than just going to dinner, don’t even bother.

Date Smart… Date for Success™