Have you ever attended a networking mixer? If so, you might have experienced and observed what I believe to be the tell-tail sign why so many people are single.

Just the other day, a friend and I attended a networking mixer and we arrived to a room filled with eligible men and women looking (hoping) to connect. However, the funny thing is there was no connecting going on. Honestly, all I noticed was a lot of staring, finger pointing and chitchatting about the other person across the room. Where was all the connecting, flirting, or exchanging of business cards?

As the night progressed all I could think about was the fact that I was in a room filled with single people with absolutely no connecting going on. I started to ask myself, “Why?” Then I started to realize that anyone who came with a single friend or with a group of friends seemed to never leave that person or group. It was a classic scene for a movie. The Bad Chicks on one side of the room staring down the popular girls, the popular girls gossiping about everyone in the room, the jocks making fun of the nerds. I couldn’t believe my eyes.

How do you expect to connect or meet someone new if you’re not willing to cut the umbilical cord from your friends?

Daily I receive emails, letters and face-face questions about finding love and ways to go about it. My recent “aha” moment was insight into a larger problem! If you’re at an event with eligible men and women who are there for the same exact reason that you are, then why are you talking to the same people you came with and most likely leaving with.

Without my friend even knowing it he encouraged me to do more then just observe. Generally when I attend events, I do not consider it to be a successful evening unless I have given out at least one business card. At that very moment when I told my friend a night is not successful unless I have handed out one business card, he looked at me and said, “Why only one?” Suddenly, I was faced with the realization that in order to make business connections, pursue a new relationship, or develop new friendships I must be willing to leave the safety blanket (my friends) and take the risk on myself and mingle.

It’s always nice to have friends around but the true reason we like to have them around is to help us deal with rejection. When someone gives us the cold shoulder it’s our friends who make us feel better.

Meeting new people can be difficult but when you love yourself, are confident, and you believe you have something to contribute to a conversation or another person’s life is when you’re able to mix and mingle.

The next time you attend a networking event or mixer, challenge yourself to separate from your friend(s) and meet someone new.

Date Smart… Date for Success!

Is inviting love in really that difficult?

After last week, I am beginning to have the notion that no matter how much someone has the desire to love or be in love, inviting love in is no longer a desire but a burden.

A comment left about last week’s post, “Are you looking for love” left me in despair, especially because it was left by one of the most beautiful, intelligent and loving people I know, my cousin. “…My fear is if it finds me what the hell am I going to do with it!” Is it true, we have no clue what to do when love comes into our lives? Why is it easier to have a complete stranger at a bar buy us a drink than it is to allow someone to show an interest in us with a willingness to take a risk on us? Wow, another “aha” moment.

Receiving love starts from within. You have to first ask yourself, “Do I love myself? Loving yourself is the first step. Loving yourself is the foundation you need to be able to grant love full access. God intended for you to love and be loved. If the Creator of all things intended for you to have love, why is inviting love in so hard?

“The heart doesn’t know the meaning of time” has been a quote I re-call from time to time because it reminds me that love is endless and timeless. It’s our thoughts that control how love enters our lives. However, the joke is on us; we’re never in control. We would like to think we are but love is the one in control. Love is a gift from God. Whether you’re spiritual or religious love is a common theme. So I ask again, why is inviting love in so hard?

Let go and invite love in. Once you do you’ll find that loving yourself, your neighbor, your friend and receiving it becomes easy. If you’re still not convinced, here are a few things you can do to prepare for love. It’s a personal invitation to love.

1. Sleep on one side of the bed. It’s saying to the universe, “I have space in my life for love!”
2. Make space in your closet so that when love arrives there is space.
3. Repeat daily, “I am worthy of receiving love! When God grants me the opportunity to love or be loved, I will accept it with gratitude in my heart.

These are a few ways to make a somewhat difficult process easier.
Love is fearless and a special emotion we should all experience. Inviting love in also means you surrender and realize that when love enters it might be your gift from God!

Date Smart… Date for Success!

It’s been one strange week. For the last couple of days, “Are you looking for Love?” has been a question I can’t avoid. Just the other day, I was riding the train and over-heard a woman ask her friend this very question. Then today, I received an email from ABC asking the same exact question in their subject line announcing the return of their popular show, “Dating in the Dark.”

Why is “Are you looking for Love?” the first question someone finds appropriate to ask when you are ready and open for the opportunity for love to enter “YOUR” life? Being open to love is not a sign of desperation; it’s a sign that you’ve overcome the trials of past relationships; the issues that ultimately hinder us from accepting and allowing the love to enter our lives when we least expect it.

After hearing this question several times, it started to haunt me. The term haunted is the best word because it’s a question I believe that sets us up for failure and scares us. It’s a question that once we hear it, fear sets in and scares us from taking a leap of faith and being open to love again. It’s a question that truly has become an ache in my heart. A question I believe that leads people to believe they are desperate for love and trying too hard to find it. When in truth it’s just a question that validates that fact that the person is simply open to receive love.

Honestly, I can’t really say I’ve ever looked for love. I assume that each time I found love, my ideas, opinions and attitude towards love were clear and free of negative energy and false hope. I was confident and sure that finding love was possible. I guess that’s the reason why I found love. My attitude and non-closed-ended ideas toward the foundation of love determined when and where I found love.

I believe that when someone releases him or herself from the failure of past relationships, or is comfortable with saying, “I’m sorry, I was wrong,” is ready to recognize and allow a new love interest to enter their life without hesitation is when they find love.

“Are you looking for love,” for me is a question that has new meaning. I no longer will take it as an insult but as a compliment. I now realize when I am asked this question that it may be coming from someone who recognizes my openness and who is fearful of the risk it takes to be open to receive love.

Ultimately, we all want to either be in love or be loved.

For me it’s become a question that is lined with fear, which prevents a lot of us from accepting or attempting to be in love. If we decide to allow this question to dictate how we love, we would spend countless hours looking for love rather than allowing love to come in. The desire to love or be in love isn’t wrong. It’s right!

Now let’s think, if love can creep up without someone looking for it, why are we asking each other, “Are you looking for love?” Shouldn’t we be asking each other are you open to receive love? That makes more sense to me. When I think back, love entered my life when I forgave myself for each failed relationship, smiled when a stranger said hello, or responded, “yes” when asked out on a date. It’s called, “Inviting love in.”

Date Smart… Date for Success!

Just the other day I was sitting back listening to music and one song in particular “Put it in a Love Song” by Beyonce and Alicia Keyes, had me questioning if romance is dead.

If you grew up in the late 70’s like me, the meaning and display of romance is so different from what most consider romantic today. I can remember when Luke and Laura’s wedding on General Hospital was the picture perfect idea of romance.

As I began to listen to the words of the song with purpose I began to realize that I cannot remember the last time someone described the person they’re dating as being romantic. Strangely, romance in a technology-hungry world is now shown by text messaging sweet-nothings, sex-ting or emailing.

My motto “Date Smart… Date for Success” was originally based upon you being the only component of determining the overall success of a relationship (see previous post on “Dating Smart…”) However, recently I discovered “dating smart” also means, just making the effort. You may have heard me in the past mention committing to the process and I believe romance plays a LARGE part in dating for success.

There is one part of the song when I started to realize that in order for a relationship to be successful it takes romance. “What you gonna do when somebody convinces me to believe that he can do it better, sending me gifts and showing me the romance; all this, this, and that, can you do better?”

When I heard those words I had another “aha” moment. Relationships are hard work but the romance is the glue that helps make it stick. When you think of your own relationship or as you enter a new one, remember romance is not just a quick text message of “i luv u,” it’s a hand-written love note, long walks in the park sharing stories, writing a love song, or sending one rose a day for 12 days to make a dozen. “Romance is a general term that refers to the attempt to express love with words or deeds. It also refers to feelings of excitement associated with love.” So the next time you think about sending a text consider whether looking at a piece of technology is really exciting or even associated with love and romance.

Date Smart… Date for Success!

Can saying “I Love You” Too Soon Be Damaging to a Relationship?

We all dream of hearing those three little words. Countless songs, books, movies and poems have been written about them. Heck, we’ve even created a special day of the year dedicated to them – Valentine’s Day.

And yet as wonderful as they are to hear, said at the wrong moment, by the wrong person and BAM! we freeze and feel trapped. Sadly these three little words can be as poisonous as they are miraculous.

This is not a feeling that’s exclusive to men or women. Both sexes are guilty of wanting love too much and taking it too readily from the person in their lives. For love to work, there must be balance, a meeting of the minds and the hearts.

Women are perhaps a little guiltier of expressing their feelings before the time is right, but that doesn’t mean men don’t do it too. The bottom line is that giving your feelings to someone who doesn’t appreciate them is more than damaging than keeping them inside.

Nobody likes rejection and that’s the risk you take when you tell someone you are not sure about that you love them. And it should never feel like a risk. If something in your stomach is telling you to wait, then you should wait.

However, there are instances when it’s justified as you may need to test the waters. If you’ve been spending a lot of time with someone, if they always enjoy your company, if they keep calling to see you and if you feel something special for them, you may want to change the relationship from casual to serious. If you do feel it important to tell this person how you feel, be prepared to walk away. You cannot force another to feel what you feel and you cannot force another to love you.

The fact is that saying ‘I love you’ changes the parameters of a relationship. It’s an open admission that you want another person in your life. And it comes a whole string of expectations. And with expectations, comes disappointments. The person you love may seem wondrous to you but they are only human and chances are they will let you down. You have to make sure you are not prepared to fall at the first hurdle.

In short your love is precious. Don’t throw it about. Make sure you keep it for the person who truly appreciates it.

**This article was written by the guys behind a new dating comparison site that aims to help online dating users.

Date Smart… Date for Success

When to Invite Your Date Back to Your Place
A question that many people face is when they should ask the person that they are seeing back to their place. Unfortunately, there is no sure or right answer. Some people invite people back to their apartment after their first date while it takes others months to invite their date in. So if you are wondering when is the appropriate time to invite someone over or to go back to your date’s home, these are some tips to help you make the best decision.

Who is Your Date?
One question that you will have to ask yourself before giving out the invite is who is the person that you are thinking about inviting over. You cannot simply say someone who you have been talking to for a month. How much do you really know about this person? If you are dating a former lover, friend or someone that you have always known but never had the chance to date in the past, then have a good foundation of trust already with this person. There is a certain level of mutual trust. You know where this person grew up, this person has friends and family in the area and this allows you to feel safe that he/she is not going to take advantage of you, harm you or anything else of a dangerous nature.

The same can be said of people that you meet through mutual friends. In this case, you may want to wait a little longer before giving the go ahead to come into your apartment. After two or three dates and when you feel that same level of comfort and trust as with a friend from your past, then inviting your date over is a good move.
The only time where you really want to take your time to waiting to let someone into your home, is when this person is a complete stranger. If you met in a bar, on the street or online, it could take months before this person is deemed trustworthy. You really have to keep your senses open to strangers and not listen to your inner desire to just get him/her in bed. Something much more terrible could happen by ignoring your instinct. After a few months, this person will have slowly integrated into your life making it a good time to invite him/her over.

Why You Shouldn’t Invite Your Date Too Soon
Some people worry about the signal that they are flashing if they invite the person back too soon. There is some validity because many people assume that if you invite them into your home, you are inviting them into your bed. Even if this is not the case, you should be aware of this. By inviting the person over too soon, you may be giving off the signal that you are easy which can be unattractive for people who are looking for someone to seriously settle down with.

On the other hand, some daters handle this situation wonderfully by stating up front, “I would like you to come over, but do not expect anything besides a good home cooked meal.” Explaining why you are inviting them over, will help to downgrade expectations and perk the person’s interest. However, by inviting them in too soon, you are inviting them into your sanctuary. Just by going through one’s home, they can tell a lot about you. Are you ready to have someone that you have just met, know basically everything around you? By not inviting your date in, you are allowed to keep up the mysterious act a little bit longer.

Another downside to inviting the person in too early is that it is hard to kick them out. Once they think that it is cool to hang out at your apartment, you may never get rid of them. Your partnership will sink into that homey type of relationship and you may have preferred those fun nights of eating out, walking through parks and going to the movies. Save the home for when you are in a more serious relationship and are ready to settle down a bit. By entering your home, this person is entering your life.

Signs to Invite Your Date in
If you have been going out for a short period of time, you feel comfortable, you trust this person and you are unsure of whether you should invite the person back, look out for a few of these signs:

·The person you are seeing is eager to help you out for home type activities: fixing a sink, putting together an entertainment center, etc.

·The person you are seeing has an interest to see where you live and what makes you, you.

·This is the most important; you seem to extend your dates. Instead of just dinner, it is a dinner and a movie, dinner, movie and ice cream, then a walk, then drinks and so on. These are some pretty good signs that your date wants to move forward with you and wants to get to know you better. You aren’t a teenager anymore, sneaking around mom and dad. there is no reason to get busy in the car, when you can get busy in place that doesn’t involve the dashboard and cup holders getting into your way.

The Timeline Vs Your Feelings
Above all else, your feelings about this person are the most reliable tool that you have to determine when you should invite this person over or to go over to their home. After two dates, you may feel like you have known this person your whole life while after twenty dates the person that you are seeing hasn’t even mentioned his or her family in your chats. There is no specific timeline to go by but if you trust your gut and use your best judgment then you will know exactly when the time is right to invite your date over.

***This is a guest post contributed by Allison Schleck, a featured writer for Dating Websites. Allison is a well-accomplished bilingual writer for magazines, websites and newspapers who teaches Karate Do on her down time.

Date Smart… Date for Success!

When I was asked to read “The Chronicles of Online Dating: Love, Sex, and Deception,” I had my reservations. Being a person who writes about dating experiences, I thought I heard and read it all. However, this book offers up some new anecdotes that put the icing on the cake of online dating.

When I got to Chapter 3: “Oh My Date Lied, What a Surprise!” I was laughing. “Men are from stupid, Women are from sneaky,” had me laughing as I related it to my own experiences. This section of the book portrayed the cyber-dating scene and how it can become a reality in your own life. This chapter is the one chapter to pay attention to as it demonstrates how creative writing could lead you to “Disaster Dates from Hell.”

Claire Hultin and Lisa Hultin are a mother and daughter team behind this book. They both have dated online and decided to compare notes and collect hundreds of stories from around the country to come up with a book that will allow you to escape from your own dating horror stories and let you know that you are not alone in your endeavors.

“The Chronicles” is a fun and quick read. If you need an escape from your own dating reality with a little comic relief, “The Chronicles” will sure provide the necessary laughs.

About the Authors: Clarie and Lisa Hultin

Are you dating someone who loves to watch porn?

If so, check out this funny video.

How to Make it Work?

Whether you met online or a new life change has separated you from your significant other, a long distance relationship can be quite the challenge.  In the case that you met online and you live in different parts of the country or internationally, you may be able to sustain a long distance relationship longer than two people who have been forced to separate.  Nevertheless, long distance relationships can work out beautifully but you must have the secret ingredient: love.

Why Long Distance Relationships Fail

Without true love, a long distance relationship is doomed to fail.  Either the frustration gets to you that you cannot physically be with this person or you find someone else.  The only way to avoid this situation is to truly be enamored of this person.  You will struggle with a long distance relationship, this is an inevitability.  The good part is if you love this person it will work out.  Why?  Because no matter how tough it is or as lonely as you feel, you know that the only person’s arms that are wrapped around you at night is your significant other.

How Often Should You Speak to Your Partner?

Now if this was all, a long distance relationship would be easy.  The first communications for people who have just been separated are quite difficult because you still remember being with your partner vividly.  But you know that the two of you must move forward.  The first step is establishing your lines of communication.  When are you going to speak?  Hopefully, you will be in the same time zone as this eases the stresses of communication.  If not, then you will have to be a little craftier.

How to communicate with Each Other

Your main means of communication are by phone, letters, email, instant messenger and Skype.  By far the best is Skype as you will be able to see and listen to the person you love.    For a long distance relationship to work, you have to speak with each other everyday, even it is only for 15 minutes, If you won’t be around for the day, make sure you write an email so that your lover knows that you are thinking about him or her.  Sending random text messages will always bring a smile to this person’s face.  You need to remind each other that you really are dedicated 100 percent to this relationship working out.

Being Physically “Present”

Although you cannot stand next to your love one, you can still be there.  You can exchange gifts through the mail each month for your monthly anniversaries.  Nothing expensive, just little care packages.  Written letters will also be greatly appreciated since it shows that you took the time out to think about your partner and write about how you feel when you are with this person and without.  Also, carrying around a photo is also a nice reminder that he or she is present in your life.

Date Night

That’s right.  Just because you are away from each other, it does not mean that you will not be going out on dates with each other.  There are two routes.  Some couples need to go out so that they do not go stir crazy.  Couples decide to go to the movies and they watch the same movie at the same time with their friends and then come home to discuss.  This will give you the feeling that you know exactly what your partner is doing and sharing your lives together, although apart.

The other date night you can spend together over video conference.  Here you just take the time out to talk and learn more about each other through conversation.  If you can sing or dance, you can put on a show or even take the time out to teach your partner a new language or how to draw.  Any talents you have can greatly help keeping the relationship going and rather fun.

Every relationship should go through a period of long distance dating.  Many times we mask our problems with hugs and kisses.  When you take out the physical element, you are forced to communicate to keep your relationship alive.  Everyone knows that the strongest relationship is one that knows how to communicate.  You will see if your relationship stands the test of time when you are separated.  Once you realize how powerful your connection is during a long distance relationship you can make it work.  Be patient and take this time to get to know, understand and appreciate your partner.

***This is a guest post contributed by Allison Schleck, a featured writer for Online Dating Sites. Allison is a well-accomplished bilingual writer for magazines, websites and newspapers who teaches Karate Do on her down time.

Ever thought about some quick ways you can learn about a man’s character or personality?

There are two that I’ve used for years and recently I was enlightened to learn about another one.

For years, I’ve made some quick assessments about character by considering the shoes that the individual wears. I think there is much to be gained by taking a glance at what’s being sported on the ole’ dogs. What kind of shoes are they? Are they a mainstream brand name, generic brand, or do only the high-end retail stores carry them? Were they handmade in Italy or did they come right off the manufacturer’s conveyer belt? And what about their condition? Are they brand spanking new with no nicks or are they worn and dirty with holes in the soles?

Another way of gauging a guy’s character is by how he treats his family and especially his mother. Does he have a family? Does he exhibit care and concern towards his family? Does he travel to visit family on holidays and vacations?

Recently while having drinks with a friend, I was introduced to another method for learning about a guy’s character. My friend and I were talking with the bartender and he said that the best way to know about a guy’s character is by how he treats a stranger. I had an “aha” moment. After talking with the bartender further, I started to think that dealing with family involves expectations and roles, however, how one treats a stranger is purely an outcome of how they were raised and how they have developed their sense of self. What does it say about a guy when he says hello, holds the door, says please and thank you, and just seems to treat and respond to everyone as they are equals?

Date Smart… Date for Success!