Do you consider yourself a jealous person? Are you dating someone who you believe is a jealous person? What are the acts of jealousy? Do you know why jealousy exists?

If not, the All About Dating Guru’s recent “aha” moment will have you re-defining jealousy and hopefully dropping it from your vocabulary.

Just the other day I experienced a life-changing event, which I believe has given me an entirely new understanding of the emotion we’ve coined as, “jealousy.” This break-through came soon after watching a heated argument between two people at a bar. The fact of them being together would lead you to believe they were on a date but from the argument you could tell they clearly were not. Well, I like to say it was a one-sided date.

This argument only developed after one person started to pay attention to the group of hotties at the next table. One rule of thumb, bars are a dangerous place for a nightcap after a date or when you’re hanging out with someone you like.

Don’t ever say I didn’t warn you!

As I watched the predictable situation unfold, I realized that it’s not jealously that ruins relationships it’s the lack of communication and dealing with the truth.

It was when the one guy’s interest was directed toward someone else that I knew what was going to happen next. He completely moved his entire body and chair to chat with the hotties and gave no regard to the person he was with.

After I heard, “I am leaving” in a tone we all are familiar with; I knew it was “Murder She Wrote.” Needless to say, I don’t have to continue because you can imagine what happened. It wasn’t pretty.

The behavior of a person scorned is a dangerous thing. It was classic. The person scorned left, but came back several times begging, pleading and making a scene. I believe this could have all been avoided!

The lack of communication is the reason for jealousy. We often avoid communicating because most often it involves telling the truth. Did you know there is a difference between the truth and being honest? Your truth is your inner spirit which guides you through life and is based on your experiences, perceptions, desires, culture, and individual goals in life. Honesty implies a lack of deceit and has to do with having integrity in what you do and say. The truth for the guy wishing to stay at the bar was that he was just not into the other guy. But he was not being honest because he was not communicating his feelings to the other guy. The truth for the guy wishing to leave was that he wanted more from the guy who wanted to stay. There would have been no jealousy and drama if the one wanting to stay had communicated his truth, honestly to the other guy.

My “aha” moment came when the person next to me who was also observing this misfortune between the two people said, “Isn’t jealousy a bitch!?” I suddenly turned to him and said, “jealousy doesn’t exist if there is communication.”

Date Smart… Date for Success!

Has it been a while since you’ve seen your ex? Are you dreading the fact that you and your ex run in the same circles and will soon have to be in the same room together? Are you considering inviting a boy-toy/girl-prop to a mutual friend’s next party in order to make your ex jealous?

If so, the All About Dating Guru knows the rules to this game very well. I like to refer to them as the Ex-games. Ex-games are similar to playing extreme sports because when you choose to play the Ex-games you risk potentially causing harm to you, your ex, and even to an innocent by-stander.

The choices we sometimes make when dealing with an ex can be viewed as extreme when we find ourselves doing things that at first glance appear innocent and the right thing to do. But sometimes the most innocent of intentions typically end up making feelings and the situation worse.

Recently a reader of “All About Dating” asked me if I knew any eligible bachelors she could take to an event that she believed her ex-boyfriend would be attending. At first, I was going to give her some suggestions, but after serious thought I began to wonder, “What would I do” in this situation.

Of course many people dealing with an ex have a damaged heart, shattered ego, or lost spirit and I would be lying if I didn’t say I would want to call up the hottest guy I know so I could grin in my ex’s face to make a statement, “I am over you!” Then I realized if I followed my ego it would go against everything I have hoped for with writing, “All About Dating!” My mission with each post is to inspire and empower others when it comes to “Dating Smart…Dating for Success.”

Facing an ex for the first time after a relationship ends can be a difficult task. However, if you play the game with YOU in mind, you’ll be playing the game by your own rules. Our natural instinct would be to do exactly what the reader wanted to do, make an ex jealous.

As I started to respond to the reader, I had another “aha” moment. Making a special effort to bring a new someone with you to face the ex is a clear sign that you may be still hurting from the break-up, are insecure with being alone, and it’s a clear message of, “I am NOT over you!”

I also learned from this reader’s question that it is also not fair to bring an innocent person into a hostile and very uncomfortable situation. Although, it’s okay to go to the party knowing your ex will be there, instead of bringing some boy-toy or girl-prop, why not ask a friend or go alone. Going alone is mature, classy and playing the Ex-games to win!

Date Smart… Date for Success!

Are you tired of ordering in Chinese food and watching re-runs alone on a Saturday night? Ladies, do you think men have no clue about dating? Gentleman, are you ready to find a woman and impress her with your charm?

If so, the All About Dating Guru has stumbled upon a surprisingly refreshing book about dating. The book is entitled, “How To Find a Woman… Or Not” by critically-acclaimed novelist and playwright Gary Morgenstein.

Over the years the perception has been that men have no clue about dating, however, Gary has proven that perception to be incorrect. Dating can be a dog-eat-dog world but by reading this book you’ll have a blue-print for what I have termed, “Date Smart… Date for Success.”

The unique part about the book is that it provides men with the Do’s and the Don’ts of dating and how to woo a woman without her even knowing it. Readers will be entertained and enlightened by Gary’s witty “Morgy Rules” and helpful talking points that will help you strike up an engaging conversation without embarrassment. “Walking your dog, practicing yoga, riding mass transit, buying a book, even visiting a friend in the hospital can lead to the woman of your dreams.”

“How to Find a Woman… Or Not” is a book that is long overdue because men have relied on dating survival tips from mostly woman. Gary delivers a handbook for men that I believe can turn an awkward man into a smooth criminal.

“In Sacred Poems and Prayers of Love, there are psalms and hymns, scared poems and songs of praise from the world’s vast treasury of spiritual writings honoring the nobility and dignity of the human spirit that comes into being when we love.”

In honor of Valentine’s Day I thought it would be fitting to share with each of you one of my favorite prayers from the book entitled, “Love Prayer.”

Oh, God(dess)
Grant me love!

Please, make it simply
Difficult.
Make it crack and melt the hard places
Where I am so sure of myself.

Make it stiffen and enliven the weak places
Where I am uncertain, ignorant,
and secretly afraid.

And please make it horribly “inappropriate”
So I must really know you in myself,
Myself in you,
Forced
To give up everything that is not love
(Because it is so hard to do it willingly…)

I pray this
Knowing it will ruin me.

Let me be ruined by love,
So that I may come back to you
Without pride, or stupidity,
Or pretense, or opinions–or any sense of separation-

Stripped
Like a lover,
Hungry and ecstatically full
All at the same time!
-Jeremy Taylor, United States, twentieth century

Date Smart… Date for Success!

Are you ready for Valentine’s Day? Are you struggling with trying to find the perfect gift? What does Valentine’s Day really symbolize?

The All About Dating Guru is excited that Valentine’s Day is finally here. I believe Valentine’s Day is not a day only for lovers but a day filled with blessings.

Love is a blessing we take for granted daily but Valentine’s Day is the one day we are allowed to soak it all in with greed and a day set-aside to remind us to show our loved ones the love, respect and appreciation they deserve year-round.

Strangely enough, on my way home today, a song I am embarrassed to say I have on my iPod, “Love Struck” by V Factory came on and I began to wonder what does Valentine’s Day truly symbolize. Thoughts started to race through my mind. The lyrics are captivating to me and motivating me to write this post. The song is about the anticipation of falling in love. Isn’t that what Valentine’s Day is about, the anticipation of falling in love or celebrating being in love?

Yes, I know the true story behind Valentine’s Day but I believe that message / story has been lost over time. Sadly it’s become a day about spending money and less about spreading love. Valentine’s Day used to be the day when someone built up the courage to say, “I love you” or ask someone out on a date and for others it was the one day set aside to shower the ones they love with gifts from the heart.

Cupids, Roses, Chocolates, and Sweet-Nothings are material things and have replaced the true symbol of love or affection.

If you haven’t said, “I love you,” to the ones that make a difference in your life, Valentine’s Day is upon us so get ready. Write a letter, send a personal card, make them dinner and call your mother and say “Happy Valentine’s Day!” And I don’t mean text it or email it!

This Valentine’s Day acknowledge all the loved ones you’ve been blessed with. Lastly, if you have a loved one who recently ended a relationship, this is when they need you the most. Spread love this Valentine’s Day!

Happy Valentine’s Day from Flirtatious-T!

Date Smart… Date for Success™

Are you a fan of romance novels? Do you find yourself longing for that hunk on page 69? Do you think romance novels imitate reality? Do you know why romance novels are so popular? If not, I think I have the answer.

Today the “All About Dating” Guru has been invaded with thoughts of the classic romance novel only to be left with an enormous feeling of emptiness. How can that be possible when romance novels are supposed to bring you sizzling sensations from head to toe?

As I gazed out the window on the number 6 train heading home from visiting my mother, I became fixated on the idea that romance novels are the reason why our modern day fairy tale is a thing of the past. Plus, is Fabio really the vision of the perfect mate? If so, I need to stop going to the library and to head to the gym fast!

Romance novels have become bestsellers because they prey on the hopeless romantic. Story lines complete with the perfect mate, the perfect situation, and the perfect romance leave many of us feeling like we’re stuck in a pool of quicksand. The more we try to escape the romanticism, the harder it is to get away.

Romance novels are popular because they have mastered the craft of creative adjective placement which can make any generic sentence pop off the page. A technique I believe is the blueprint for a successful New York Best-Selling romance novel.

When adjectives are cleverly placed you are easily whisked into a world of make-believe. You are also suddenly captivated and convinced that your current love life is not what it’s cracked up to be. Luckily you’re friends with the “All About Dating Guru” who is well versed in making life feel like you’re living the life of Scarlet O’Hara.

“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn” are classic romance novel lines that give us false hope. It’s the illusion of finding Prince Charming riding in on a white horse and carriage that we are fascinated by and not that fact that the modern day Prince Charming is riding in on a broken-down Volkswagen buggy.

Wow, another “aha” moment!

I get it now. All those turned up faces on the train are not because they are unhappy. It’s the direct result from romance novels, the overzealous fantasies we buy into.

The next time you find yourself reading a romance novel, stop and look around and see how sweet your life will be when you start creating your own romance novel.

Date Smart… Date for Success™

In order for a relationship to grow, it requires personal development; this is essential.

Through reading, I believe we gain a sense of self and acquire a better understanding on how to communicate, resolve conflict, and give and receive love. Personal development in a relationship can add value and can be seen as the foundation for Dating Smart…Dating for Success.

Over the years friends have asked me what books have given me the inspiration to Date Smart…Date for Success. One book is “If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path” by Charlotte Kasl. I credit this book with providing me the insight on how to make a relationship successful. This book gives you a spiritual outlook on dating by helping you create love in your life. “You will find that remaining on the spiritual path as you seek a lover or partner involves a journey that affects all of your life – not just the dating, love, romance, and marriage part.”

If you’re looking to Date Smart…Date for Success, this book is for you.

Happy reading!

Is saying “Goodbye” a difficult process?

If so, the All About Dating Guru has experienced another “aha” moment while watching “Ugly Betty.”

It’s an episode that inspired me to write this post. The storyline was compelling and gripping enough about goodbyes that I felt it was a perfect opportunity to write about the true meaning of goodbyes.

This episode was so relevant since we just ended a year and are beginning a new one. Typically with the ending of a year or a season we are sometimes faced with the fact that a relationship may be ending. As I watched this episode I began to consider the notion of goodbyes being not only a unique and individual experience but also an experience that leads us in a new direction either toward a new relationship or simply a new beginning…alone.

As we embark upon 2010, we all have been provided with blank pages to our book of life and it’s up to us to fill them with words and experiences good enough to be considered a New York Times Best-Seller!

I also started to realize that the ending of a relationship could also be compared to the ending of an episode of a sitcom because with every ending you are left longing for more and ultimately excited about the outcome. It’s just enough to have you wanting more. It almost sounds like life. Life is very similar to a sitcom or a suspense novel; both are complete with twists and turns without any clue of how the storyline will end. Ironically enough, life is similar since we are forced to patiently wait to see how our own stories unfold.

The dialog in this episode also has me convinced that dating and life is more about the new beginnings and less about how a chapter ends. It’s the collection of the episodes or pages that make the story and not what’s in the middle.

I truly believe with every ending we become better and stronger people. It’s an indication that you are responsible for creating your path toward greater things. It’s not how your chapters end; it’s what you do with the next ones!

Best said by “America Ferrera’s character, Betty, “ We owe it to ourselves to move forward because chances are the endings are never going to stop! No matter how many times you are faced with saying ‘Goodbye,’ even for the greater good for oneself, saying goodbye still hurts!”

As 2010 unfolds always remember you owe it to yourself to believe in a better tomorrow and to recognize when saying “Goodbye” sometimes is a good thing! Dating is a challenging element in our lives and although saying “Goodbye” is one of the hardest things in life, I can guarantee that goodbye is a healing process.

Tonight I have gained an appreciation for saying, “Goodbye!” My “aha” moment, “Saying goodbye stinks but it also means I have been granted a new beginning.” That’s the best part!

Date Smart… Date for Success!

Blac Gurlz Ink and Flirtatious-T have teamed up to make this Valentine’s Day a holiday to remember. With both of us on your side you’re sure to score plenty of kisses from your Valentine! Everyone knows that flirting is the best way to spark a conversation and one of the quickest ways to a potential love interest’s heart. However, if you’re not good at flirting why not send a couture greeting card.

In honor of Valentine’s Day 2010, Blac Gurlz Ink has created limited-edition designs to commemorate your sentiments on this special day by honoring romance and all things flirtatious. These handcrafted couture cards are artistic and the perfect token of affection. Small tokens of affection on Valentine’s Day can go a long way.

To make this offer even sweeter, Blac Gurlz Ink and Flirtatious-T will be donating 20% of the proceeds to the New York Gay Men’s Health Crisis Center and to also show support to team “Flirtatious-T – Flirt with a Cause” who will be participating in the 2010 New York AIDS Walk being held on May 16, 2010! It’s flirting for a cause.

As you can see when you purchase a couture Valentine’s Day card from Black Gulz Ink it’s more than just a greeting card it’s a lifestyle.

BlackGurlzink.com
Flirtatious-T.com

Smart… Date for Success!

Do the following words sound familiar: infidelity, cheating, love, companionship, lover, relationship, flirtatious, dating, and marriage? These are the classic words you hear when someone talks about dating and relationships.

During a recent interview, the interviewer was surprised that our product, Flirtatious-T and our blog “All About Dating” were not geared towards one specific population, i.e. the gay community. The reason they’re not geared to one specific population is because I, as the creator, believe dating is universal.

We all experience and encounter similar situations whether it be a partner saying, “I need space;” needing to talk about sex and how it fits into the relationship; a partner feeling like the other is moving too fast; you or your partner deciding it’s over; or deciding when to take a relationship to the next level. These are common situations and experiences that cross boundaries. It doesn’t matter if you’re gay or straight, black or white. When it comes to dating, many experiences are universal.

In previous posts I have discussed defining your dating identity. Having a dating identity allows you to assess if someone’s relationship goals are similar to yours. In addition, the true importance of having a dating identity is that it also allows you to appreciate the fact that relationships may look different but ultimately they’re the same.

Recent headlines like “’Tiger Woods Cheats,” “New York State Votes Against Gay Marriage,” “Ellen & Portia Get Married,” all involve issues of relationships. Oftentimes these headlines appear to be negative, but they all have one common connection; they make us all think about love, trust, and honesty, the common elements of dating and relationship building.

When it comes down to it, we’re all looking for the same thing, to be loved, respected and appreciated.

Date Smart…Date for Success